Funerals and Memorials for the Departed
When a loved one passes it can be an incredibly stressful experience. As one grieves it is not uncommon to experience sorrow, anger, and even denial. Because the experience of loss can be so painful, it is important to understand the teachings of the Church regarding death and our Tradition. The Trisagion, Funeral and Memorial services reaffirm our hopeful perspective with regard to death calling to mind the words of St. Paul — “We do not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). Our hope lies in Christ who has conquered death by death.
“He alone arose from the dead, but He has destroyed our death, destroying its dominion, its despair, its finality. Christ does not promise us Nirvana or some sort of misty life beyond the grave, but the resurrection of life, a new heaven and a new earth, the joy of the universal resurrection. ‘The dead shall arise, and those in the tombs will sing for joy…’ Christ in risen, and life abides, life lives… That is the meaning; that is the unending joy of this truly central and fundamental confirmation of the Symbol of Faith: ‘And the third day, He rose again according to the Scriptures.’ According to the Scriptures, i.e. in accordance with that knowledge of life, with that design for the world and humanity, for the soul and body, for the spirit and matter, for life and death, which has been revealed to us in the Holy Scriptures. This is the entire faith, the entire love, and the entire hope of Christianity. And this is why the Apostle Paul says, ‘If Christ is not risen, then your faith is in vain’” (Fr. Alexander Schemann, “The Christian Concept of Death” Russkaya mysl’, Nos. 3299, 3300, March 13, 20, 1980. Translated from Russian by Robert A. Parent).
The Trisagion, Funeral and Memorial services also provide the Faithful an opportunity to pray for the repose of their loved one, and through prayer and hymnody, to process the experience of the loss of their loved one.
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We regularly pray in our services for "a Christian end to our life, peaceful, without shame and suffering, and for a good defense before the awesome judgment seat of Christ." In keeping with this petition, when a loved one is sick or dying it is customary, loving and appropriate to ask the clergy to visit them. We do not have a custom of Last Rites in the Orthodox Church (rather we look at the Sacramental Life as a continuous whole); however, it is appropriate to offer the Eucharist, Confession and prayers as one prepares to repose.
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It is customary for an obituary to be sent to the parish following the repose of a member of the church asking the prayers of fellow parishioners for their repose. An obituary must be dignified, honorable and in keeping with the tenets of our Faith. All obituaries are reviewed before they are sent to the parish community.
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Traditionally, only clergy offer a homily at the Trisagion and Funeral for the Departed as they have been given the responsibility and authority to preach, expounding on Scripture, in the Church. Eulogies from family members and friends are most appropriately offered and encouraged at the Makaria (Mercy Meal) following the funeral or interment.
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It is customary for the priest, having visited a loved one when they are ill, to also come to the bedside when they have reposed and offer a Trisagion. This Trisagion is offered immediately after one has reposed.
Then customarily, the evening before the funeral, a Trisagion is offered in the Church. It is typical to follow this Trisagion with a coffee hour reception for those who attend.
Following the Funeral, the family may choose to offer the Makaria (Mercy Meal) immediately following the Funeral or following the interment. The scheduling of the Markaria may also depend on the schedule of the cemetery.
A Trisagion is again offered at the graveside before the interment.
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Memorials for the Departed are offered on the Sunday closest to the 40th Day after their repose, 1 year, and every year subsequently. It is not uncommon now, too, for families to commemorate many family members who have reposed together.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Funeral services are of course offered all year.
However, there are some limitations for Memorial Services with respect to the liturgical season. Memorial Services cannot be offered on the following days:
From the Saturday of Lazarus through the Sunday of St. Thomas
All the Feast Days of our Lord
September 8th - The Nativity of the Theotokos
September 14th - The Exaltation of the Holy Cross
November 21st - The Entrance of the Theotokos
December 25th - The Nativity of Christ
January 6th - Theophany
February 2nd - The Presentation of the Lord in the Temple
March 25th - The Annunciation of the Theotokos
Palm Sunday
Pashca
The Ascension of our Lord
The Sunday of Pentecost
August 6th - The Transfiguration of our Lord
August 15th - The Dormition of the Theotokos
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Ascension Cathedral has cemetery plots available at Oakmont Cemetery in Lafayette. Please contact our church office for more information.
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Kollyva is the boiled wheat which is offered and blessed during the Memorial Service. Kollyva for Memorial Services can be ordered through the Church Office.
Kollyva has been offered by the Church going back to the 4th Century. St. Symeon of Thessaloniki writes about the symbolism of the Kollyva:
At the memorial "kernels of wheat and various other fruits of the earth are offered to God. What do these offerings signify? They show that human beings are also seeds, like the fruits of the earth. When they are cast down on the ground they want, with the power of God, to rise up again like grain, and after they manage to sprout up, then, full-grown and alive, they want to be offered to Christ. For just as what is now a seed will be buried in the earth and after that will germinate and come to fruition and bear forth its ample fruit, so too a human being that is now delivered to the earth on account of death wants to rise up again. Paul also says this using a seed to explain the resurrection" (The Memorial Services and their Benefits, Hieromonk Benedict).
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When someone passes unexpectedly it can be beneficial for the family to offer an option to live stream the funeral to family members who are unable to travel for the funeral. Please speak with our office when scheduling the funeral for more information on arranging live streaming.
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During divine services we regularly pray for our country, armed forces and for peace in the world. We are honored to have members of congregation to serve in our armed forces and continue to honor those who have served, as well. Typically, Military Honors are offered at the graveside following the Trisagion. However, if the interment will be taking place on a later date due to interment at a military cemetery (at the Sacramento Valley National Cemetery in Dixon, for example). Honors can be offered outside the Cathedral following the funeral service.
Our clergy would be honored to arrange to offer the Trisagion prayers at the graveside, if the interment will take place on a later date due to scheduling with a military cemetery.
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The following prayer was reportedly found in the pocket of Russian soldier killed during World War II:
"Do you hear, God?
Never before in my life have I spoke to You, but today I want to greet you.
You know that since I was a child, they said that You did not exist...And I was foolish enough to believe them.
Never before have I realized the beauty of your creation.
Today only I discovered this beauty, when suddenly an abyss opened.
Above me, a sky filled with stars. Amazed, I saw how they twinkled.
How could I have been so cruelly deceived!
I don't know, Lord, whether you will stretch out Your hand to reach me, but for me, I will recognize You, and You will understand.
It's a miracle that in the depth of this terrifying hell, light illuminates me...and that I have been able to see You.
I will not tell You anything else, except what a joy it is to know You.
At midnight, we have received the order to attack; but I am not afraid. You are watching us.
Listen, there is the signal. I have to go. Yet, it was so good to be with you.
What I still wanted to say, You know, this combat will be mean.
Maybe, tonight I will knock on Your door. Even though I never was Your friend, will you let me enter, when I come?
But--I am crying? Look what's happening to me! My eyes have opened. Forgive me God.
I am going, and surely I will not come back.
But, O Wonder, I am no longer afraid of death."
-from For the Peace from Above: An Orthodox Resource Book on War, Peace and Nationalism
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Cremation is becoming an increasingly common funerary practice. However, it is important to understand that while one is able to freely choose to cremate, the Church does not condone or affirm this decision due to our understanding of the human body. In fact, in the ancient world the belief that the body was actually sacred and not inherently evil or something to be cast off was unique, contrasted with pagan and gnostic beliefs. The Tradition of the Church has always been consistent in this regard.
“In the matter of cremations, the inference is that there is no resurrection of the body, contrary to what we read in the New Testament, and thus the cremation returns the body to its basic elements. It is also important to note that the Orthodox Christian funeral service is written on the premise that a body is present. Consequently, whether a body is cremated, lost at sea, or otherwise absent, the funeral service cannot be conducted. The reason for this is that the funeral service is deliberately written in such a way as if the deceased were singing the dramatic hymns. Specific verses are taken from the Book of Psalms (118) which are in the first person, using the pronoun “I.”
Aside from this fact, cremation goes contrary to Holy Scripture. One good example is found in St. Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians where we read, “...glorify God in your body and in your spirit which are God’s (6:20).” In other words, our bodies and souls belong to God, and not to us. Therefore, we have no right to do with our bodies what we please. In addition to all of this, there is even a greater reason why cremation is contrary to our Christian faith. Simply put, it desecrates the body. Moreover, the so-called ashes from a cremation are not ashes. They are the crushed and pulverized skull and bones of the body, the arms and legs. They are put through a grinding machine which actually turns the bones into dust.
Finally, for an Orthodox Christian to fulfill the wishes of a member of the family who wishes to be cremated after death actually defiles the sacraments of Baptism, Chrismation, Confession, Holy Unction, Holy Matrimony, and the Holy Eucharist by considering the wishes of the deceased more important than the divine blessing of the Holy Spirit upon the deceased body throughout the years that the body was the recipient of those holy blessings. On the basis of these realities, it is the responsibility of not only the clergy, but of all our faithful Greek Orthodox Christians to do whatever they can do, in a positive way, to impress upon those who accept this pagan practice that it is wrong. The fact that the deceased body of an Orthodox Christian receives multiple blessings from the Lord in preparation of the eternal Kingdom any violence upon a dead body is the desecration of God’s temple.”
- Metropolitan Isaiah of Denver, excerpted from “Regarding Suicides and Cremation”
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Memorial rites offered by affiliate organizations such as AHEPA or the Daughters of Penelope are most appropriately offered following the Trisagion at the graveside.
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Masonic Rites are not appropriate to be offered in the Church.
“Tell the people: though I am dead, I am still alive.”
